Big Old Jet Airliner

So. It's nearly 1am and here I sit, all packed up and ready to leave the country for three months tomorrow (this!) morning. Praise God for the frequent flyer points that are taking me direct from Melbourne to LA. Praise God for the strong Australian dollar that has bought me a tidy wad of American Travellers cheques for my battered old wallet. Praise God for the pure serendipity of scheduling my flight the same day as a dear Baha'i sister who hails from the City of Angels and whom I've not seen for months, so that we can hang out at the airport together. Praise God for the new friend in recovery who has never laid eyes on me yet is picking me up from LA International Airport, taking me home to her place and doing everything (I mean everything - she is emailing me the weather so I can pack the right clothes and asking me what kinds of food I like so she can stock the fridge, can you believe it?) she can to make a total stranger feel loved and welcome. Praise God for the sunrise that I can already see illuminating the sky in my mind's eye as a girlfriend and I drive from LA to San Diego at daybreak this Friday morning, Thelma and Louise style. Praise God for all the wild adventures that I can't begin to imagine.

I love travel. I love the stretched consciousness that comes with encountering a different culture. I love making friends with random people at bus stops and in cafes. But most of all, I love being thrust into the arms of my Higher Power. Once that plane takes off, I'm forced to confront the reality that I have absolutely no power over whether my luggage ends up in Paris or Paraguay, or whether the planes lands safely or slams into the side of a mountain and strangely I find that so comforting. All I can do is trust. There's not much choice but to surrender my will and my life to the All-Loving, the All-Merciful. And for a control freak like me, that is one huge relief.

As I embark on this journey, I'm aware that this trip is the culmination of many heartfelt prayers. Ever since becoming a Baha'i, I've been longing to find a way to integrate my Baha'i identity with the fact that active service within a community of recovering addicts ensures I remain alive. And so I'm off to the nation where the 12 Step movement begun back in 1939; the country Abdu'l Baha promised would set the benchmark of justice and spiritual wealth for the whole planet to follow, the place

with the pulse whose rythym fits my own so snugly, so comfortably. In essence, I go to see what I can learn about how to marry the two most precious things in my life: my recovery and my religion.

I believe God is about to reveal a little more about what She has planned for my life's work; how I can contribute to the unfolding of the future Baha'u'llah envisioned. For me, a integral part of that is sharing the priceless gift I've been given - the option of turning to the Holy Spirit for courage and connection rather the cheap, life-destroying bottled substitute in all its various guises:

"O Divine Providence! Bestow Thou in all things purity and cleanliness upon the people of Baha. Grant that they be freed from all defilement, and released from all addictions. Save them from committing any repugnant act, unbind them from the chains of every evil habit, that they may live pure and free, wholesome and cleanly, worthy to serve at Thy Sacred Threshold and fit to be related to their Lord. Deliver them from intoxicating drinks and tobacco, save them, rescue them, from this opium that bringeth on madness, suffer them to enjoy the sweet savours of holiness, that they may drink deep of the mystic cup of heavenly love and 150 know the rapture of being drawn ever closer unto the Realm of the All-Glorious. For it is even as Thou hast said: 'All that thou hast in thy cellar will not appease the thirst of my love -- bring me, O cup-bearer, of the wine of the spirit a cup full as the sea!'"-Abdu'l-Baha, Selections from the Writings of Abdu'l-Baha, p. 149

I'm Not Dead

Dear reader,

how lovely to discover you exist.

Over the past two weeks, I've been surprised and chuffed to receive several emails from friends I didn't even know were perusing this blog (as well as some plaintive comments from fellow bloggers - you know who you are) politely enquiring when my next post will be. Please forgive my neglect; it's been a really overwhelming, exciting, intense six weeks and I just haven't had the space - emotionally or time-wise - to document it. Allow me to catch you up.

Straight out of left field, I've been given the opportunity to travel to America so I can make like a sponge and soak up some experience, strength and hope from both the 12 Step and Baha'i Communities there, which are far more established than our burgeoning movements Down Under. I'll be attending a Recovery Convention as well as a BNASAA Conference in early October. Then I'm planning on traveling around the country for a few months researching and applying for grad schools. My heart just implodes with joy at all this, but like anything big and glorious and whirlwind, I've needed to make some significant sacrifices. I had to let go of my BEC training, which felt like losing a limb. (So I'm sorry, Jay, there won't be any follow up post on R-E-S-P-E-C-T in the B-E-C, but I can share briefly that the kids' dances were adorable and hilarious and it was a great note to say goodbye on.)

I've also had to ask God to show me how to create several thousand dollars in a month and a half, if it be Her will. So far, the growth of my bank balance has been nothing short of miraculous, but because I hadn't planned on making it back to the States this year, I've had to get awfully busy, awfully fast. It's been an extraordinary exercise in faith - which, as a wise old sober alcoholic once told me, can be broken down into the following acronym: Future Adventures in Trusting Him. Don't ask me why I forget that God is the All-Bountiful every time there's a financial question mark over my head. She has always come through for me in the past and I'm slowly learning that She always will.

Lastly, and perhaps most significantly, I've needed time to allow some important feelings to bubble up, over and out. Like most of us, particularly those of us in recovery from addiction, I have a rich, woolly history. Every so often, a person or event will trigger some major healing that requires I be very gentle with myself. This last month has involved a lot of that. And once again I'm experiencing the beautiful fact that tests are really gifts:

"My calamity is My providence, outwardly it is fire and vengeance, but inwardly it is light and mercy. Hasten thereunto that thou mayest become an eternal light and an immortal spirit. This is My command unto thee, do thou observe it." - Baha'u'llah, The Arabic Hidden Words

The support of my fellows in recovery is helping. Long, hot showers are helping. Making time my friend is helping. Prayer is helping:

"O God! Refresh and gladden my spirit. Purify my heart. Illumine my powers. I lay all my affairs in Thy hand. Thou art my Guide and my Refuge. I will no longer be sorrowful and grieved; I will be a happy and joyful being. O God! I will no longer be full of anxiety, nor will I let trouble harass me. I will not dwell on the unpleasant things of life. O God! Thou art more friend to me than I am to myself. I dedicate myself to Thee, O Lord." - 'Abdu'l-Bahá, Compilations, Baha'i Prayers, p. 149

So. I hope you can appreciate why I've been a little absent from this blog. Huge shifts are happening for me, both internally and externally. I'm focusing on welcoming them, because my experience has been that when old ghosts are exorcised, new space is created for Grace to enter, no matter how painful or confronting the process. I believe my Beloved is preparing me for this unexpected transatlantic adventure by thoroughly spring-cleaning my soul. My prayer is that I can follow Her guidance and arise unfettered to go meet my destiny. The destiny I'm talking about is nothing extraordinary, nor is it exclusive to me. It's the same destiny on offer to anyone alive during the Formative Age: that is, the opportuntiy to utilise our unique talents and experiences in order to become the most effective servants to humanity possible.

As my departure looms, I will do my best to keep posting in between buying travel insurance, organising couches to crash on and preparing my College applications. Thanks in advance for your loving prayers.